How subtlety, signals and "flirting" are what makes today’s dating a frustrating mess

I posted this over at the-frisky as a comment, to a post about how men can’t read subtle signals from women…

I agree with C.Munro – the biggest issue isn’t the subtlety, its the inconsistency. Ya, sure, we do suck at subtlety, but as we get older, and more experienced, we pick up more and more of the subtle stuff, until we can see most of the subtle signals.

The real problem? Inconsistency! No two women send the same set of signals with the same meaning. Every woman is unique. And that’s obviously a good thing. The thing is, too many women today seem to think that we’re supposed to mind-read and posses telepathic skills.

We’re constantly burned by this. A woman gives you every clue in the book, you ask her out, and she shuts you down with a look of “how dare you ask me out”… Another woman, she act colds, gives mono-syllabic responses and has her arms crossed, later you find out from a friend that she felt rejected over why you didn’t ask her out… Go figure.

Uniqueness is a great thing, the part that’s frustrating is when you hear women complaining about how men don’t get it… Some even get angry over it, like “this retard, I gave him every clue, and he still didn’t do anything, what a moron”.

That’s why I recommend and stand by two recommendations to both male and female friends.

1) Men do not approach, or ask out any woman, at any time – wait for her to do the approaching, asking out, escalation, or at least direct, verbal interest. Personally I refuse to do anything unless a woman verbally lets me know. No matter how hard she tries the subtlety game, I refuse to play it.

2) Befriend women. A lot of guys are confused with recommendation one… Like, wait, am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? Women don’t approach or ask guys out… To which I respond – They do, just not you… What you can focus on, instead of “getting women” is befriending and becoming a great friend to women. Just focus on being a really, really great friend without wanting anything more. If she’s interested, she’ll make the move, or say something more direct.

And if she’s really interested, but still can’t make the move – then why would you want to be with her?! If she can’t muster the courage to make a move on you when you’re that close, then she’s not worth the investment.

The subtlety game is killing both genders, and causes a lot of drama, conflict, frustration… And it needs to be out-evolved. My suggestion is a very win-win situation… More and more men and women becoming close friends, with the men wanting nothing more than to respect and appreciate the woman as just another friend, on par with his male friends. They get to know each other without ever having the frustration of the wrong man, hitting on the wrong woman, or the right man, not advancing things with the right woman.