109 Results

Attraction & Mating Science

July 18, 2011

Deeper rapport and topics are for getting girlfriends, light chit-chat is for getting hook-ups?

Brent Smith always goes on and on and on about how you should never ever even allow a deeper topic with women when you’re getting hook-ups. I always wondered why he was so into pounding that point in. Well, turns out Jeremy over at Psychology Today has a more argumented explanation for that claim.

Dating Conversation for Long-Term Plans or One-Night Stands | Psychology Today

Epstude and Förster (2011) assert that love and sex are independent in the mind. They exist at different levels of thinking (called “construal levels”). Love is thought about on a more abstract level and in a longer-term, future timeline. Sex, in contrast, is considered on a more concrete level, in the here-and-now.

Dating Conversation for Long-Term Plans or One-Night Stands | Psychology Today

 

You can change your dating partner’s “construal level” as well – with the right conversation. Talk about the right topics on a first date and they might be planning lifelong adventures by dessert. Discuss other topics and a single steamy night of passion might be more likely. Let’s review a few examples of discussions that will get your date thinking along the lines of “love” or “lust”…

Cognitions (thoughts) of Love take place in the abstract and the future. So, to call upon that construal level, get your dating partners to discuss some of the following:

  • Their long-term future life plans, goals, aspirations.
  • The deeper meaning of their actions. “Why” they do what they do.
  • How they describe and categorize themselves (and others).
  • Their thoughts or philosophies about topics, events, and life.
  • Anything else that is deep, thoughtful, future-oriented, and positive.

In contrast, cognitions of Lust take place in the specific and present. To elicit that construal level, get your partners talking about:

  • Their recent or past activities, feelings, and experiences (e.g. you swam with sharks, what did that feel like?).
  • What excites them right there and then (e.g. the food is great, the music is exciting, etc.).
  • How things taste, feel, sound, smell, and look.
  • How concrete behaviors are performed (bonus if you can get them to show you how to shoot pool, cook, dance, etc.).
  • Anything else that is concrete, in the moment, exciting, and visceral.

Conclusion

The mind is flexible, but it also has set “tracks” of thinking. Discuss long-term and positive generalities, and put your date on track to daydream about “happily ever after”. Get them thinking about their current feelings, experiences, and body sensations, and put them on track for daydreams that are a bit more naughty. Either way, you take a bit of ambiguity out of the date. The direction you go in, however, is your choice.

 

 

July 17, 2011

New study on how often women say yes to dates and sex-offers

New Danish study on mating strategies of women and men

In June 2009 a number of research assistants (confederates) were told to approach somebody who they could imagine they would go on a date with/invite home/go to bed with. The research assistants would approach the stranger of the opposite gender using the following standard introduction; “Hi, my name is ‘name of the confederate’. I am sorry to disturb you like this, but I have been noticing you around and find you very attractive”. The research assistant would then ask one of the following questions: “Would you go on a date with me tonight or during the week/weekend?”, “Would you come over to my place tonight or during the week/weekend?”, or “Would you go to bed with me tonight or during the week/weekend?”

In total, 389 respondents from the four largest cities of Denmark (Copenhagen, Aarhus, Aalborg, and Odense) were included in the experiment. 

New Danish study on mating strategies of women and men

Men more willing to accept sex with strangers
Men tend to agree to sexual invitations from strangers of the opposite gender more readily than women do. In particular, men more often accept the two explicit requests to have sex; a significantly larger number of men than women accepted an invitation to ”come to my place” and ”go to bed with me”. No distinct differences were found between the two sexes in regard to replies to the request to ”go on a date with me”.

New Danish study on mating strategies of women and men

Looks are more important to women
Hald and Høgh-Olesen investigated whether looks seem to matter for acceptance of sex with a stranger. As hypothesized, the study confirms that looks seem to have some importance for women in choice of partner – even for just a short-term partner. ”We were not surprised to find that looks are more important to women than to men. In particular, women tend to find looks more important for ‘random sex’ than men. This is probably related to reproduction”, says Henrik Høgh-Olesen. 

New Danish study on mating strategies of women and men

Singles more willing to accept sex with stranger
The study showed that respondents who were not in a relationship were more willing to consent to have sex with a stranger than respondents with a partner. This result was found for both men and women. Male subjects who were not in a relationship were 20 times more likely to consent to one of the sexual invitations compared with male subjects in a relationship. Single women were more than 8 times more likely to consent to a sexual invitation, compared with women in a relationship. 

New Danish study on mating strategies of women and men

Unknown factors
One of the reasons for womens’ rejection of sex with a stranger could be fear of crime. ”If the woman was allowed to take measure of the guy in a safe environment before being alone with him, the success rate for men may have been higher”, says Gert Martin Hald.

Here’s some further analysis:

Sexual Receptivity Invitations from the Strangers of the Opposite Gender

Researchers conducted the experiment twice, in 1978 and 1982, with the help of students of Florida State University. In both cases, five students and four students aged around 22 years on the campus of the University addressed a total of 48 men and 48 women.The conversation looked like this: “Several times I saw you here / a. You seem very attractive / ý.” Then researchers put unsuspecting respondents randomly selected question from these three options: “Do you want me to go out tonight?” - “Do you want the evening to come to my apartment?” - “Want to go to bed with me?”

Clark and Hatfield formulated before the start of the experiment two hypotheses. The first, traditional, they agree to offer men more than women. The second, androgynous, not the behavior of both sexes differ fundamentally. The results support the assumption dramatically gender differences in affection undergo random sexual adventure. Men willing to approach to any type of menu in the first study of 65% to 21% in the second and 63% to 17%. Expressed in detail the research fell as follows:

It is almost inconceivable that men were more likely to go with a foreign woman on a date, or home to bed with increasing levels of intimacy. While in case of an invitation to the meeting were gender differences at all, or nearly significant, in other instances dramatically began to show and offer anonymous sex has not even approached one of 96 women! The study results therefore confirm the stereotypical images of males and indiscriminate vybíravých female, although this finding can be interpreted by two opposing theories. According to biological determinism contemporary sociobiology is interested in sexual activities designed genetics, anatomy and sexual dimorphic hormones. In contrast, contemporary social determinism of Social Sciences argued that patterns of sexual behavior are primarily influenced by culture, social conditioning and enrolled roles. The authors say that the explanation is likely, although admit to liking sociobiologickému (see Clark & ​​Hatfield 2003).

Mentioned research initially came to the misunderstanding, criticism and rejection of the methodology of the Gender Studies. Yet over time become a classic, as witnessed by the still continuing interest in him. Danish researchers Hald and Høgh-Olesen published the November issue of the journal Evolution and Human Behavior article that confirms the original findings and expands. The experiment was conducted on a sample of this time 173 men and 216 women, a volunteer interviewers were also more than that – 10 men and 11 women. The results are so compelling as ever, for which perhaps the increasing liberalization of female sexual behavior or increased vigilance associated with the expansion of AIDS.

Hald and Høgh-Olesen asked respondents additional questions and found that men – unlike women – played a role too attractive tazatelek. In addition, confirm the hypothesis that both sexes have been affected by the momentary state of the partner, because the participants in respect of more refusing all kinds of offers. Even among men there was a significantly higher willingness to cheat on their partners with anonymous women, as is evident from the last table:

Danish researchers this time no qualms about applying for an explanation of gender differences and evolutionary psychology as their main reason for identifying the theory of parental investment . Women are evolutionarily adapted to be cautious when choosing a partner because of their potential investment in pregnancy and parenthood is much higher than for a random partner. If the offer proceeds, only if exceptionally attractive men, strictly in accordance with the theory of good genes . In men’s motivation is completely different, because almost anonymous sex risk nothing and conversely increasing their potential reproductive success. It seems that even fifty years since the discovery of hormonal contraception have not eliminated these differences, even if it leads to its gradual weakening.

 

 

July 13, 2011

Creepy is not a label that should ever be justified as being a real, actual thing

Here’s a comment I wrote on PsychologyToday:

 

Jeremy I agree with most of your article, but like the ahole I am, I will comment about the part I disagree with :) So here goes.

I also encourage women to both honor their need for comfort and learn to discern the difference between “creepy” and “geeky”. Meeting somewhere in the middle is the only true “win win” for both women and men.

Here’s the problem. Creepy is as real as Santa Clause. To say that women need to discern between geeky and creepy, is to validate the “creepy” label as being external and a property of the object its projected on, but its not.

Creepy is a SUBJECTIVE feeling had by the woman. The exact same guy can approach two women in the exact same location, in the exact same way, at the exact same angle, at the exact same tonality and body-language…

One will find him charming and bold, the other will find him creepy. In fact, creepy is nothing but a term invented so that women have an excuse to be brutally mean to men that don’t happen to their type. That’s all it is.

To say that women should start distinguishing between creepy men from non-creepy men is to validate the idea that “creepy” is a property of said men – when its not. The man is nothing but a canvas, and the “creepy” property comes from the projector, that being the woman projecting the quality onto said man.

Basically… If women want to stop the current string of men growing bitter and dropping out of the dating game, they need to start recognizing that the “feeling of creepy” is not a valid excuse to treat men like cr*p.

Until, and only if a man performs an objectively wrong action, he does not deserve to be treated as less-than-human or be publically mocked as being pathetic or undeserving of basic human respect.

 

June 22, 2011

Women more attracted to femine guys when economy is doing bad, men like masculine women when economy is bad

Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron: When the going’s tough women go for wimps | Mail Online

 

If they are facing financial problems, women tend to favour fine-featured feminine men over strong silent types, a study has found.

It is thought that gentler men are seen as good providers and so a better bet for riding out the economic storm.

 

Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron: When the going’s tough women go for wimps | Mail Online

 

The women were then presented with a list of character traits and asked to choose those that would belong to their ideal man.

Some, such as intelligence, muscularity and confidence, were linked to men regarded as having good genetic material.

 

Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron: When the going’s tough women go for wimps | Mail Online

 

This, according to the Australian researchers, suggests that when money is short women are attracted to gentler types, who are seen as good providers and more likely to stick around when times are tough.

The macho men, however, were most attractive to the women made to worry about their health.

This may be because masculinity can be a sign of good genes – and a man who will give a woman strong and healthy children.

The researchers concluded there are evolutionary advantages in a woman’s taste in men being flexible.

 

Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron: When the going’s tough women go for wimps | Mail Online

 

But it is not only women whose tastes are influenced by the economic climate.

A study of the vital statistics of Playboy centrefolds revealed that when times are prosperous, men set their sights on younger, girlish- looking women, with big eyes and softer features.

But when the economy is in decline and social conditions are threatening, men seek solace in curvaceous women with more comforting maternal figures.

 

 

June 19, 2011

Women who try to indicate interest in a men, start acting more submissive and talk higher-pitched

How women indicate interest | Sofiastry

Women who preferred men with more feminine facial features spoke in a higher pitched voice to these men (as compared to the voices used when addressing men with more masculinized facial features). Similarly, women who preferred men with more masculine facial features spoke in a higher pitched voice to these men (as compared to the voices used when addressing men with more feminized facial features). The bottom line is that voice pitch serves as a sexual signal, and not surprisingly it is differentially modulated depending on whether the male target is to a woman’s liking. (Source.)

I find it funny as I’m guilty of this behaviour half-consciously; I know I’m speaking in a higher than usual pitch, but I didn’t trigger it intentionally. Alternatively, and what the study didn’t address, is that in a serious situation or towards a man I don’t want to appeal to or just when I want to be taken seriously, I de-sexualize myself, and thus have a deeper and more assertive pitch.

Other behavioural cues that indicate interest also indicate submission (for women): superfluous laughter, cocking her head towards on one side, touching her hair more often (in a self-conscious manner as well) and more deferential wording.

Women’s Voice Pitch Changes Depending on Their Attraction To a Man | Psychology Today

Forty-five women were asked to leave the following message subsequent to seeing either a masculinized or feminized face of a man: “Hi, we met at the bar last night. I was just calling you to see if you wanted to go out sometime. Call me back.” The researchers also conducted a separate task to gauge the participants’ preference for men’s faces on the masculinized-feminized continuum. The objective here was to show that a woman’s attraction to a particular face (irrespective of whether it is more masculine or feminine) drives the modulation of her voice pitch.

Using an acoustic tool to analyze changes in voice pitch, the researchers found support for their hypothesis. Women who preferred men with more feminine facial features spoke in a higher pitched voice to these men (as compared to the voices used when addressing men with more masculinized facial features). Similarly, women who preferred men with more masculine facial features spoke in a higher pitched voice to these men (as compared to the voices used when addressing men with more feminized facial features). The bottom line is that voice pitch serves as a sexual signal, and not surprisingly it is differentially modulated depending on whether the male target is to a woman’s liking.

If a woman speaks to you in the extraordinarily rare whistle register (as per Minnie Riperton’s Loving You , or as most recently associated with Mariah Carey), she is utterly in love with you!